One or the other
by rjwritergirl
Summary: A fic I wrote about 4.04. Two shot!
1. Chapter 1

_**This is a two shot that I wrote about the last episode, (4.04) I'm basing this chapter (and the next) off of the conversation that Bates and Anna had by the Servants hall. Enjoy!**_

_**Chapter 1**_

John stood as he heard Anna's footsteps in the hall, she and Lady Mary had just got back from London and he was looking forward to seeing his wife. Was she looking forward to seeing him?

He walked out into the hall, his smile nearly spliting his face in two. He felt so lucky to have her, she was the kindest person he knew, always willing to help someone. His mouth went dry when he saw her. Even in the shapeless dress she had to wear as a uniform, she painted a lovely picture. His heart thumped loudly in his chest. She always did that, did she have any idea what she did to him? She loved him without reservation. At least he thought she had. What had changed? What had he done? He hadn't meant to, whatever it was. He'd apologize, do whatever it took to get back on Anna's good side after this. He loved and cherished her, she was perfect.

"You're back."

Anna's only response was a quiet nod. John remembered a time when one of them would be gone with Lady Mary or Lord Grantham, and their reunion would be spent making love till dawn. He wasn't going to hold his breath about that happening tonight. He had hoped that the time apart might help fix whatever was wrong between them, apparently not.

"Good." John tried to come up with something to say. "How was it?"

Anna fidgeted without looking him in the eye. He hadn't realized how much he'd loved to look at Anna's eyes, such a clear blue. "All right." Her answer was short, her tone stiff as if she didn't want to talk with him. "Lady Mary seemed quite pleased."

John didn't know what to say, he was at a loss. What was wrong with his beloved? Did she still love him? He had to know, "Come here."

Anna actually stepped back away from him, "Better get on."

John let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding. Anna wasn't even giving an excuse now. Before she'd left for London she'd always given an excuse "_I'm tired, I have a headache, we don't have time, someone will see us."_

What had happened? Was it that he'd yelled at her a few days before? He'd already apologized but had that been enough? Did she no longer love him? Had she fallen for Green? Because Green, that's when she had started acting weird. He wouldn't blame her if she had fallen for Green, the younger maids had been tittering about how good looking the man was.

Was Anna really falling for another man? He hoped not but he'd let her go if she was. Her happiness was more important then his. His heart clenched at the thought of Anna no longer loving him. His breath hitched and he willed himself not to show how heartbroken he was. But when he opened his mouth, his heart went on his sleeve, his stoic exterior crumbled, and he begged.

"Kiss me. Please." He knew that begging made him sound weak and the last thing he wanted. If something was wrong and it wasn't his fault then Anna would need him to be strong, like she had been for him. "Or tell me what's happened, one or the other."

"Don't bully me."

The order surprised him, Anna didn't order, she requested. She was the politest person John knew. He stepped closer to her to make sure she could see how serious he was. "Anna, you're upset, you're unhappy and I don't know why. You say it's not me and I hope that's true. But there is a reason and I need to find out what it is. I won't press you now if it makes things worse, but in the end I will find out."

Something changed in Anna's face as he spoke, he couldn't tell what she was thinking.

"Oh Anna..." Carson was coming down the hall and Bates turned around and went back into the servant's hall. He'd said his piece and Anna could think about it and decide whether or not to tell him. He sat down, picked up the pants he'd been mending and tried not to wonder if Anna still loved him. He couldn't help but notice though that when Anna had said "_don't bully me_" she'd been the most alive he'd seen her since she'd hit her head. She was changing back to her usual self. He couldn't help but feel optimistic at that. Maybe, just maybe they'd make it through whatever this was.

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	2. Chapter 2

_**Here's chapter 2! Enjoy!**_

Anna walked through the downstairs in search for her husband, she and Mary had been in London for nearly a month and had just got back. "There you are." John's voice made her smile and she turned.

"I was just looking for you," she replied.

"I was wondering when you and Lady Mary would be back."

"We were actually planning on coming home on the later train, but the opportunity came and Lady Mary wanted to get home to Master George."

"I'm glad that you were able to get home early," John said, he stepped forward, checking to make sure that there wasn't anyone else around. Anna surprised him by taking his hand and squeezing it. She had been very hesitant about physical touch since the attack, but he was happy that she was finally reaching out. They had held hands since, but it had always been he who had reached out.

"I got a couple of new books from his Lordship; one is called 'The Great Gatsby'. He highly recommended it."

Anna smiled. She loved their nightly routine. John would read aloud as she got ready for bed and she would read as he got ready, then they'd sit in bed and read for a little while longer before going to sleep. "What about the other book?"

"What other book?" Anna dropped his hand when Carson walked by, which John understood. Although they were married they did try to remain professional at work, which meant they generally didn't hold hands or get affectionate at the house, therefore he was doubly surprised when, after Carson turned the corner that Anna reached out for his hand again.

"You said you borrowed a couple of books from his Lordship." Anna pointed out, squeezing his hand gently. "One is The Great Gatsby, the other..." she trailed off and looked at him expectantly. John tried to come up with reason to not tell her, he'd wanted the second book to be a surprise when they got home that night, but then Anna looked up at him imploringly. "Please?"

Smiling, he kept hold of Anna's hand and he walked into the servant's hall. Thomas was there, smoking and he glanced up, John could see him opening his mouth but upon seeing Anna's hand gripping his he shut his mouth and went back to his tea.

John then picked up the smaller book and wordlessly handed it to his wife. She gasped happily and her eyes were suddenly dancing. "Anne's House of Dreams?" she asked.

"Apparently her ladyship likes the Anne of Green Gables series and recently acquired the entire series." John said, "so I borrowed the next book."

Anna clutched the book to her chest for a moment, looking up at John, her eyes dancing and a bigger smile gracing her features then he'd seen in a while. "Oh thank you John." A bell rang and Anna handed him the book as they realized it was Lady Mary. "I'll see you later."

The rest of the day passed quickly and the two of them were soon walking back to their cottage. They were holding hands again, Anna had reached out and grabbed his hand the moment they'd walked out the door. "Which book would you like to begin tonight?" John asked as they walked out of the courtyard.

"I was thinking we could start 'Anne's House of Dreams'; I know her Ladyship wants it back soon," Anna told him, She looked up at him, a small smile on her face. "I know you don't particularly care for the books but I love that you got me the next one."

"You enjoy them, that's what's important," John said.

Anna suddenly let go of his hand. He was used to it, that had happened more then once since he'd learned about her rape. "Come here." She had turned, looking off the path, to a small grove of trees.

"Where?" he asked but followed her off the path anyway. He'd follow her anywhere, off a cliff if she'd asked.

"Here," Anna's smile was bewitching and his mouth went dry. Did she know what she did to him?

She turned back to face him, and motioned for him to step even closer. He stood close to her, but was careful of the distance. She looked him up and down, the shadows hiding her eyes, but John could see them in his mind, the clear blue looking at him with careful love. "What did you want?" John asked.

Anna stepped forward, her arms came up to grip John's biceps. "I've wanted to ask you this for a couple of weeks. I've been a bit nervous though, but after being in London with Lady Mary, I know I need to ask this."

"You don't need to be nervous about asking me anything," John reminded her. "Nothing you ask could change my opinion of you."

Anna giggled at that, and John's heart swelled at the sound of it. She hadn't laughed much since the concert. "I know." She stepped closer now. "Kiss me."

It took a moment for the words to register, but when it did his mouth dropped open. "You..."

Anna's arms came up to drape on his shoulders. "Kiss me."

He didn't need to be asked a third time, he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. He could feel Anna's hands gripping his hair. But he wasn't going to rush her. It was too much too soon, and any little thing could close her off to him. Pulling back, he tentatively brushed his lips over her and paused. So sweet. He tried again. Finding no resistance, he pressed his mouth to hers and kissed her. Nothing demanding, he only tried to convey his love and that he would always be there for her. Just as he had when they first fell in love.

Her fingers curled in his hair and pulled him closer to deepen the kiss. Her tongue traced along the seam of his lips and begged for more. Moving in, he was more willing to comply but his leg began to twinge. He shifted so he didn't have as much weight on it and one hand snaked down Anna's back, keeping her flush against him. The pain became too much however and he had to pull away.

"Damn leg," he muttered, shifting his weight so he wasn't resting on it. As he continued to mentally curse his leg, Anna smiled.

"I'm glad I could finally give you the other." she said. Even in the half light, she must have seen the confused look on his face. "Before you found out about..." she paused. "Everything, you told me to kiss you or tell you what was wrong. I told you what was wrong months ago, I figured it was finally time to kiss you."

John smiled and pressed a gentle kiss to Anna's cheek. "I'm glad, too."

Anna took his hand and leaned her head against his shoulder sighing happily. "Let's go home." John, too, sighed with happiness as they began to do just that.

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